I’ve been debating whether or not to post this as a public post or to keep it private. But, if you’re reading this you’ve probably figured out I decided to go ahead and make it public. Partly because I’m pretty open about just about everything and partly because you just never know who might read it and it could make a difference to them.
I’d been seeing a psychologist for a couple of weeks when some issues came up and he asked me if I had ever been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder. I had not, but I’d often wondered if I had it. So, last week I got tested for and diagnosed with ADD, both hyperactive and inattentive types. I’m 36 years old. I thought it was something kids had and “outgrew”.
It was somewhat of a relief to actually have an official diagnosis. But, at the same time I was also feeling scared, angry and sad. Scared because I wasn’t sure how to proceed. Angry because I wasn’t diagnosed earlier. Sad because I began to wonder what “could have been” had I been diagnosed and treated as a child.
So, I did my googling that afternoon and found several web sites with information about ADHD in kids and adults. I did not realize that the symptoms showed up differently in girls and boys and adults! Almost every symptom listed for girls I had as a child! If we knew then what we know now, I might have been diagnosed and treated sooner. I was a very good student in school (honor roll & graduated high school with honors), but I struggled with studying and completing assignments. I wonder how much better I could have done if I could have been able to focus more. When I started to think about it I started to cry…hard. I didn’t let myself wallow in it too much though, because honestly, it didn’t do any good. It was “cleansing” to get it out, but time to move on.
The question now turns to what am I going to do NOW to “fix” this.
I had an appointment with my primary care doc today (he got a copy of the test results and letter from my psychologist), and he prescribed Adderall. I’ll pick it up from the pharmacy tomorrow (there was a long wait this evening and I needed to get home before J.R. left for work), so I haven’t started taking it yet. I’ve got another appointment with my psychologist later this week.
I’m going to try to start journaling here to help me keep track of how I’m feeling and if the meds are doing me any good, making me feel bad, having side effects, etc.
Stay tuned.
Tags : add, adhd, adult add, adult adhd, attention deficit disorder
